Meet Moose Knuckles. Moose recently roasted an Aspen, CO resident named Chris. Chris is a [mostly unsuccessful] hunter, armchair recording artist (at best) and investor of family Coke money. At the request of his longtime buddy, I penned a musical roast to the tune of “Baby It's Cold Outside,” a song Chris once passably covered with duet partner Annalisa Bone (his single-use recording alias was Matador). Moose is sporting a multi-colored coat, a mini harmonica and a target on his chest to illustrate the lyrical jab I made about Chris's hilarious lack of hunting success.
“A meditating, multi-colored coat clad, harmonica-playing, target-wearing moose and you'd still miss!”
In case there was any question, Chris, I'm never going home with you.
”El Matador”
(to the tune of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as recorded by Everyone & Their Mom)
Are you the crooner of ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’
The one from iTunes? It's kinda like Spotify
I heard you have Coke...
El Matador, are you a legal alien?
He's an alien, he's a legal alien
He's a Mexican in Aspen
You don't even own this house here?
You're renting it year after year
Pretending you have Aspen money
Living in a fantasy, dear
Leave your wife at home, leave her at home alone
To go out and roam, creeping on creatures yo
Despite all the stress, zero hunting success
A meditating, multicolored coat-clad, harmonica-playing, target-wearing moose
& you'd still miss ;)
Why's your party have to be bigger
bigger than your wife's party?
If anyone should know, you should know – size doesn't matter
look at you, 39
The Matador, that's what he calls himself
The drink that he pours, named it after himself
All his friends abhor
Leave on the shelf, Red Bull + tequila? Fucking hell :P
Have you heard that he's a pilot?
He'll brag if you'll give him the time
He's OCD, Matador's 39
He's unemployed, Matador's 39
Abs cosmetically enhanced, Matador's 39