Colorado's concert industry, like so many others, was shut down by the pandemic in March. Singing telegrams temporarily became the primary live music game in town, though bookings were understandably sparse. Unsurprisingly, requests for virtual telegrams began appearing, and we quickly rose to the challenge, offering virtual performances via video chat platforms such as Zoom and FaceTime. When our state's Stay-at-Home order went into effect, singing telegrams were deemed a non-essential business and prohibited from offering in-person deliveries – despite the possibility of completely contact-free and socially distanced appearances. When Stay-at-Home was relaxed to Safer-at-Home in late April, individual counties slowly began permitting curbside delivery by non-essential businesses, and socially distanced singing telegrams were back in action. By May 8, all Colorado counties were allowing so-called non-essential businesses to make curbside deliveries. And, in the absence of a public live music industry, singing telegrams suddenly became the hottest live music ticket in town.
Mother's Day 2020 was the single busiest mom-honoring holiday in Custom Singing Telegrams' history. To be fair, Mother's Day wasn't the only occasion being celebrated that day. A CU Boulder graduate who once wallpapered her adolescent bedroom with One Direction posters was brought to happy tears by a guitar-wielding, singing unicorn delivering balloons, flowers, candy and a personalized parody of one of the boy band's most flattering ear worms. The grad's family tuned in for the performance via Zoom, then revisited it later via professional video documentation. Several birthdays were enhanced, one in an Englewood cul-de-sac and another on a front porch in the Santa Fe Arts District. The most hilarious Mother's Day gram transpired in Parker, where a grandmother requested that I dress in homage to her still-in-diapers grandkid and serenade her daughter (mom of the grandkid in question). The maternal recipient broke out into laughter upon seeing a diaper and bonnet-clad adult man standing on the walkway leading to the family's front porch. Four out of the nine total telegrams performed that day were virtual, including Zoom-facilitated serenades for recipients in New York and Puerto Rico.
The Boulder unicorn serenade was just the first of a string of graduation surprises. In the absence of physical commencement ceremonies, some families thought outside the box to commemorate their children's achievements. The above-mentioned CU grad wasn't the only subject of a personalized parody song. The decades older Chicago-based sister of a Cherry Creek High grad commissioned a custom parody of Post Malone's “Congratulations” for her younger brother. And the “We Are the Champions” spoof I penned for a Queen-loving grad was a huge hit (see sample lyrics below). Another high school grad – a guitarist studying legendary alt-rock band Nirvana – was treated to an acoustic rendition of “Come As You Are” in his family's yard while his mother captured the show for far-off relatives. It was an emotional experience for both recipient and singer, as I listened to Nirvana when I was his age. One of the most creative pandemic-era celebrations saw a graduate's father set up a Zoom-enabled flatscreen on the family porch for the relatives unable to attend. His red-headed daughter and two of her fellow classmates sat in camping chairs facing the Zoom party, while I performed for both the virtual and physical audiences.
Graduations and Mother's Day were popular occasions for singing telegrams in May, but birthday grams have always been our bread and butter. A Longmont woman's lover traditionally goes to Africa twice a year, but 2020's travel plans were kiboshed by Covid-19. So we brought Africa to him, in the form of a guitar-wielding, Toto-singing zebra. Neighbors out for their daily stroll spontaneously became a socially distanced audience. Since outdoor performances have become the norm in the pandemic era, and people have been spending more time in and around their homes, it's become more and more common to have nearby neighbors applauding in the background. Although not every neighbor has been quite as thrilled with our new normal. One industrious customer penned a Bon Jovi parody called “Quarantine Ain't Fair.” While I was in the middle of rocking the spoof for an apartment resident standing safely inside his unit with the door ajar, his adjacent neighbor suddenly emerged from her apartment exclaiming, “I'm in the middle of a Zoom meeting!” So I “turnt down” and brought the tune home in quieter fashion.
The singing telegram business, like so many others, has been affected by the Coronavirus pandemic. Socially distanced, outdoor performances are the current standard. Singing through a face mask is occasionally required. Virtual versions, ones in which the audience is often muted for the sake of optimal audio (making real-time interaction and two-way laughter impossible), are much more common. Still, it's been fascinating to see the myriad ways that people have continued to celebrate their friends and family in these challenging times – and an honor, as always, to be involved.
”We Are the Champions” Parody:
She's paid her dues
Pulled kids' loose teeth
Kindergarten dentist
Synchronized swimming meets
She's made mistakes
Poor choices in boys
Golf team, she only did it for the 'fits
Still, we're overjoyed
She's graduating, it's true
college in the fall, CSU
She's graduating, she's graduating
She will do great things
'Cause she's graduating, and strong-willed
Frank Sinatra
Was hot in his day
But Frank, he drank Jack
White Claw is her fave
Loved Ceramics class
A fashionista
Traveled a lot, London and Istanbul
Says, 'Bye Felicia'
