Meet Moose Knuckles. Moose recently roasted an Aspen, CO resident named Chris. Chris is a [mostly unsuccessful] hunter, armchair recording artist (at best) and investor of family Coke money. At the request of his longtime buddy, I penned a musical roast to the tune of “Baby It's Cold Outside,” a song Chris once passably covered with duet partner Annalisa Bone (his single-use recording alias was Matador). Moose is sporting a multi-colored coat, a mini harmonica and a target on his chest to illustrate the lyrical jab I made about Chris's hilarious lack of hunting success.

“A meditating, multi-colored coat clad, harmonica-playing, target-wearing moose and you'd still miss!”

In case there was any question, Chris, I'm never going home with you.